Time management must be learned

October 19, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels

Dear Dr. Fournier: Help! My son is having trouble prioritizing and managing responsibilities. He says he feels overwhelmed, has too much work to do and he doesn’t know where to begin. What do you do with the children you work with to address this sort of problem? Sarah M., Nashville, TN

Dear Sarah: "I feel overwhelmed. I have so much work to do, I just don't know where to start," is a line I have heard time and time again.

What adult hasn't felt this way when the "To Do" list at work and at home keeps getting longer? Unfortunately, this feeling of being overwhelmed by work is now experienced by schoolchildren at younger and younger ages.

Beginning as early as kindergarten and first grade, children are overwhelmed not only by homework, but by classwork they were unable to finish. These children’s feelings of panic and dread spread to their parents who are forced to spend hours with their child every night to get through the school workload.

How many hours of family calmness, bonding and togetherness have instead turned into hours of family squabbles over schoolwork?

The Assessment: As adults, most of us fight our feelings of being overwhelmed by work as we schedule our tasks with appropriate completion time:

• I'll do it tonight; it won't take more than half an hour.
• I'll have to do this over the weekend when I will be able to work on it all afternoon.
• I have many errands to run, so I’d better make a list so that I use my time efficiently.

Individuals who understand their personal working capacity can make effective time judgment calls. These individuals have developed the prized skill that involves estimating how long a task will take to complete. Children are not born knowing this skill, and even many adults have yet to develop it.

Students must be taught how to develop a sense of personal working capacity and an understanding of what time is all about. Parents must focus on the long-term issue of finishing school work each night.

What To Do: Discuss with your child’s teacher how you plan to shift your focus from simply finishing homework to teaching your child how to develop a sense of working capacity. Ask if your child can be graded only on the homework he or she completes until you have made progress in teaching how to judge and use time wisely.

At home, you will need a digital timer of some sort that counts down without making noise. It should be placed where your child is working to assure that he or she can see it at all times.

Begin each task by having your child estimate to you how much time he or she believes it will take. Write this time estimate in two places - at the top of the page your child is working on, and on a separate tally sheet with four headings:

1.Subject
2.Time I Think it will take
3.Time It Took
4.The Difference

Regardless of what estimate your child gives, write it down without discussion. If your child estimates three hours for a task you know should take 10 minutes, write down three hours. This tells you how overwhelmed your child is by each task.

Next, have your child set the timer and place it right in front of him. Make sure your child is the one to set the timer not you - because as you teach your child to take control of time, it is important for him or her to take physical control as well. Have your child start the timer and begin the task.

Once it is completed, have your child stop the timer and write the number of minutes left on the timer. You may need to help younger children calculate the time it took and the difference between actual time and the estimate. Have your child record these numbers on the tally sheet, and review the results together. Sometimes, your child may see that a task takes longer than anticipated.

Slowly, you will be able to celebrate with your child when the "guess" becomes closer and closer to the time it actually takes to complete the work. If your child masters this skill, it is a skill learned for a lifetime - not just for one night of homework.

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Tags: Homework, Strategies

Slow down overstressed student 1-2-3

October 12, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels

Dear Dr. Fournier: My son is getting in trouble at school for hurrying with his work. He is constantly losing points because he doesn't write his name on the paper, doesn't read the instructions, or is just careless. I've told him to slow down. At home when he works calmly he does well, but in school he keeps saying that he is afraid he won't finish and if he doesn't he will lose recess. I've told him that I am pleased that he wants to do his work but he doesn't understand that even if he does it and gets it wrong, it doesn't help him. He's beginning to say that he gets low grades because he is dumb. Rene C, Buffalo, NY

Dear Rene: With our stressed out lifestyles, we teach our children to live in a hurry-up world.

How many times do young children hear the call to "Hurry up!" followed by some ominous consequence if the child dawdles:

• Hurry up and brush your teeth! You have to get to bed OR you won't be able to get up tomorrow.

• Hurry up OR you will miss the carpool, and if you do you will have to walk.

• Hurry up OR you can't go to the movies because no one is going to wait for you.

Notice that every OR could just as easily have been an “or else.”

The Assessment: For many children, I think the first time that they hear the instruction "Take your time" is when they get to school. Unfortunately, by then it's too late because the children have already been indoctrinated into the belief that unless they hurry up, they are doomed to some horrible fate.

Adults with hurried lifestyles do a good job in getting children to buy into stress as it relates to all we have to do without having enough time to do it. Parents must also take on the responsibility of teaching our children what we mean by this phrase.

When we rush ourselves, we often produce a quantity of work with poorer quality that then demands extra time to be re-done. Rather than rushing, we need to work efficiently the first time, using our time wisely to complete the task with quality.

What To Do: Whenever we feel we must hurry, first we must figure out what kind of situation is involved. Two main possibilities apply to both students at school and adults in the workforce:

Situation A. “I could do this in my sleep.” These are assignments that require only rote repetitions of concepts that you already know how to do almost without thinking. This type of work can be done quickly as long as I don’t miss a step. When I finish, 1 will go back and make sure I did it well and completely. I am not finished with this work until I have gone over it a second time for “proofing.”

Situation B. “Pay me now or pay me later.” These are thinking and learning assignments that require concentration and careful work. “I know how to do this assignment, but it will require thought. If I spend quality time understanding the instructions and working a little slower, I won't have to come back to the work and re-do it later. If there is something I don't know, I'll ask. Then I'll learn how to do it, complete my work, and check it before I turn it in. This may take longer now, but I'll save time later on.”

Help your son learn these two situations. Explain what you are doing to his teacher and ask permission for him to write “1-2-3-Check” at the top of his paper. Then have your child learn that he should always use the "1-2-3-Check" rule to start his work at school:

1. Write my name and heading of the assignment

2. Read the instructions. If I don't understand them, I'll ask the teacher for help.

3. Decide if the assignment is an ‘A’ or a ‘B’ assignment.

(CHECK) Double-check this once I have finished and proofread my work.

Each time your child finishes a step he is to check it off before moving to the next. The paper is not finished until he can complete his “1-2-3-Check.” For each classroom assignment, he can proceed knowing that he will not hurry in the same way all the time.

Help your child understand that “hurry up” in school does not always mean, “Get it done quickly,” but means “Get it done as quickly as you can with quality so you won't have to come back to it later.”

Additional problems may also affect a child who hurries his school assignments and homework, like understanding working capacity and test taking skills, but these are much easier to isolate after the “1-2-3-Check” has become a reflexive action for your child.

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Tags: Homework

Success and work may not always go together

September 28, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels

Dear Dr. Fournier: My daughter could make better grades if she wanted to. Learning doesn't come easy to her and she knows it. But when she really puts in the effort, she can do it. She has always been a good student until this year. She tries sometimes and then slacks off. One day she can make a 100 and the next day a 40. That just proves she could do it if she wanted to. How do I get her motivated again? Jennifer A., Cleveland, OH

Dear Jennifer: Your letter brings up many points for discussion, but I would like to focus on just one statement that I often hear from both parents and teachers: “When she really puts in the effort, she can do it.”

The Assessment: This comment indicates that the terms “effort” and “success” are taken to be synonyms or logical extensions of one another. However, before you jump to that conclusion, take a look at what you are really saying:

• “If you put in the effort, you will be successful.” I have heard many parents say, “We drilled for hours the night before and she knew it all, but then failed the test the next day!” Despite her effort, there were additional factors that contributed to her failure. Did the wording or the type of the test catch her off guard? Did she spend too much time on one part of the test and then just run out of time? In instances such as these, her effort did not result in success.

• “If you are successful, you must have put in the effort.” There are many reasons for success, and they do not all stem from effort. I've often heard the statement, “She’s never had to study for her grades,” or “I don't know what will happen the day she really has to study.”

In school, grades measure immediate success on a given test, but not necessarily the knowledge your child has attained. Grades do not measure the effort made to get there.

Though effort and success are not synonymous, they can be complementary, By helping your child define the effort she needs to succeed, you can help her learn a very important life-lesson: The effort needed depends on the task at hand.

What To Do: Jennifer, if you are concerned with your child's effort, then realize that you are concerned with your child’s need to develop the means through which she will reach the desired goal: success in school. Make sure that you separate the way from the destination.

Help your child view each day's tasks in two parts,

1. What is my ultimate destination?

What will be considered success?

For each assignment, the characteristics of success are the same for each child but the effort required will vary. If the assignment is to read chapter three for discussion tomorrow, every child must read to understand the main points, be able to discuss them in class, and determine if there is anything unclear that remains to be learned in class discussion.

2. How will I get there? What effort will it take?

Any two children may reach this destination in different ways. Child A may preview the chapter subheadings to get a clear "big picture" of the topics. The child may divide the reading by section, pausing at the end of each section to put the main idea in his or her own words and writing any question that arises about that material.

Child B may look at the chapter subheadings and ask. ''What do I already know about this topic?" Rather than reading each word in the chapter, he or she may simply scan to see if the existing knowledge is correct and sufficient At the end of the study session. this child may just go over the new information rather than trying to relearn material that has been covered before.

Do not fall for the trap in assuming that a low grade reflects a lack of effort. A low grade can be the result of many things. If we continually attack our children's effort, they will start to believe us when we call them "unmotivated," "uncaring" and "lazy" - and then we can only watch as they live up to our words and fulfill the prophesy we have laid out.

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Tags: Labels, Homework

Set rules to help child enjoy ‘homebody’ days

July 20, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: Elementary School

Dear Dr. Fournier: I have tried to find activities for my ten-year-old son, but every time I suggest something, he says, “no.” He won’t go off to camp; he just wants to stay home.

During the school year, he has friends over some weekends and will play sometimes after school with a neighbor. But after a few days, he goes back to wanting to be alone. He doesn’t seem unhappy. He loves to tinker, loves art and builds incredible things with building sets. I know he also needs to be with other children. How do I get him out of the house? Linda M., Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Linda: In a fantasy life portrayed on television and in the movies, the happy family always includes a best friend – a pal, a playmate – for the kids.
For generations of TV children from Opie Taylor to the characters on the O.C., a best friend has always been close enough to share antics, adventures, and sleepovers. Beaver Cleaver could leave it to Whitey, and Angela Chase ran wild with Rayanne Graff. However, when it comes to the idea of Home Alone, the movies then tell us that a child must be left alone by accident, not by choice. Now for a message from reality: There is nothing wrong about wanting to be alone; or enjoying it!

The Assessment: As parents, it’s important to listen to our children’s messages about what is important to them. Many adults wait until middle age to learn that fulfilling the need for personal and private time – and space – is OK.

Having time alone allows us to indulge ourselves, and occasionally, to discover strengths we might not know that we possess. This is a time the mythologist Joseph Campbell, famed for his Power of Myth interviews with Bill Moyers, calls a period of “creative incubation.” It is a place where you can simply experience what you are and what you might become. Many people have to take steps to re-learn how to develop this side of themselves later in life, so if you see this as a quality your child already possesses, understand that it is a gift.

What To Do: Linda, whenever your son expresses the need to be alone, set down some rules as if he were having another child over to play. Start by talking about the things he enjoys while he is alone. If he simply wants to watch television, then that’s not enough. Help your child think of the fun things he likes to do, such as painting, building, collecting rocks, or sculpting from clay. Keep the list on the refrigerator door, and as your child has “homebody days,” he may think of other activities to add to the list. This list will be more for your benefit now than your son’s in the future. It will help you accomplish three things:

1) It will help you make suggestions as to what to do on “homebody days.”

2) It will help you know the types of supplies to keep in stock around the house, such as watercolors, a tool kit or clay. These items make great gifts for birthdays or special occasions.

3) It will help you remain calm about your “homebody.” You will know he is developing his creativity, and is doing exactly what makes him happy.

Learning to rely on ourselves in times of joy and sadness is a very important quality for both children and adults. Help your child use his time alone to learn self-reliance, trust, and decision-making that are unique to his own needs. If he can develop these now, he will not be faced with this predicament later in life.

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Tags: Homework