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Jun 2010
Don't cram facts, use context to develop learning
June 29, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: Today was
the day for my son’s checkup to see if he is
ready for kindergarten. I assumed his hearing and
eyes were going to be checked. Instead, he was
given a pre-skills test for public school and
kindergarten. After about two hours of testing, I
was given a list of things my son needs to work
on the rest of this summer, including his ABCs,
learning numbers through 10, colors, shapes, body
parts, directions, motor skills, and his name,
address and phone number.
I thought he was supposed to learn these things in kindergarten, not before he gets there. My older son, who is 14, did not have to know this for kindergarten. He is going to be a freshman in high school this fall and so far, he has done very well in school. How can I teach my younger son what he needs to know without cramming all this down his throat in a month and a half? Kellye P., Huntsville, AL |
Dear Kellye: With increased pressure from society to teach more and teach it sooner, schools are changing so rapidly that it’s no longer a simple comparison between the education of our generation and of our children’s. It’s not even a simple comparison between your older son and younger one!
In the span of just one generation, what is expected of one child may be quite different from what was expected of older siblings. A common bond for all of us, however, is moving from the context of school to the context of life.
The Assessment: In our parent’s generation, the Horatio Alger rags-to-riches stories told of poor, uneducated boys who persevered to become presidents of their own companies. In my generation, having a high school degree was sufficient to enter the workforce and success hinged on personal innovation with emerging technology. In today’s children’s futures, education is no longer a choice; it is a necessity.
Does this mean that, as adults, our children will be judged on whether they can name the nape of their neck before entering kindergarten? Will their prospective employer worry whether they can hop on one foot at age five? In the context of school maybe, they can but certainly not in the context of life.
In the real world, education cannot be cut into tidy little pieces. It cannot be force-fed. It is not a list. It is not schooling. Education is the lifelong pursuit of learning by applying knowledge with personal thought, innovation and creativity.
To attempt to cram a list of items into your child, regardless of whether he is developmentally ready for the learning that is required, makes education a goal rather than a means.
What To Do: As a parent, our responsibility is to help our children develop an awareness of learning in the context of life, not to teach a list of facts in the context of school.
To help your child develop an awareness of letters, numbers, shapes, colors and other items that will be required in school, use real life situations to help him understand the purpose behind these concepts.
I have often read instructions to parents indicating how to help teach concepts such as have your child put his foot ‘in’ and ‘out’ of a garbage bag to teach direction and count out the chocolate chips before putting them into the cookie dough. Mostly, these are cute but contrived activities.
But who really steps in garbage bags and counts out cookie pieces? So, rather than spending time on unnatural lesson plans, simply incorporate the language of these concepts into your daily speech. For example:
• Did you wash the nape of your neck when you took a bath?
• Why don’t you wear your favorite blue shirt today?
• Get your blue socks to match and put them over your feet.
• Don’t leave your shoes under the bed.
It is important to speak naturally to your child and when necessary, to demonstrate your words (such as pointing to the nape of his neck before he takes a bath and pointing underneath the bed as you speak about your requests).
Stay focused on the context of life and what is important to your child in the world and you will discover many ways to incorporate and demonstrate the real purpose of lifelong learning.
No matter what activity you share with your child, your primary role is to be a responsible and loving parent, not to act as a surrogate teacher.
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You answers to children’s questions will help in school
June 22, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: Elementary
School
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Dear Dr. Fournier: We have
twins going into the second grade this fall and
they both made A’s and B’s this past school year.
Even with this, the teacher wrote us a note that
the girls should practice reading everyday this
summer.
During the year, they were supposed to read to my husband and me every night for 15 minutes. It was a chore for both them and us. It just seemed to last forever. They were sleepy; we were tired, so many times we just let it go. We know we’ve got to do reading this summer. But is there some other way we could work on reading with girls without it being a torture? Susan S., Columbia, SC |
Dear Susan: Although reading is essential for your children’s success in school and in the future, you and your husband should not feel guilty because the task seems like such a chore.
The Assessment: Reading can be broken into two main components. Mechanical reading, which is emphasized in the classroom is one and the other, easily assumed or often overlooked, is meaningful reading.
Knowing how to read means that you can read the words, tell someone what you read, and answer the questions someone else gives you. This is an example of mechanical reading.
Knowing how to read also means knowing what to read, why you want to read it, whether the reading fulfilled your purpose, and what the reading did for you or left undone. This is meaningful reading and it happens when you recognize how reading adds to or changes your life.
Most schools today emphasize mechanical reading, expecting the student to answer questions or retell the story in the teacher’s or the book’s language. Mechanical reading is important, but when it is taught in isolation of meaningful reading it becomes just another chore.
When you combine the two components, the task of reading suddenly comes to life. Children apply higher-level learning skills as they create their own questions or add their personal interpretations to a story.
What To Do: You have already supervised your children’s mechanical reading. During the summer, change your focus to meaningful reading and, as the meaning takes hold, you and your husband may see the mechanics come easier.
How do you begin a program of meaningful reading? Simply read when there is a reason for reading! This will serve two purposes. First, it will help your child develop a personal interest in reading. Second, it should decrease your feelings of guilt at not spending a certain amount of time on reading each day.
As you enjoy summer together, listen for your children’s questions or statements. For example:
• “Mommy, can we drive to Hawaii this summer?”
- The easy answer is “no,” but the response to make that will help them with reading is, “Let’s find out.” Take them to the library and get a book on islands or on Hawaii. Establishing this habit helps your children learn that reading can help answer questions or concerns.
• “Mommy, I miss Grandma. I wish she hadn’t gone away.”
- Reading a poem or scripture can tell your children their feelings are valued and let them go on in spite of the hurt.
• “Mommy, I can’t sleep. I’m afraid of lightening.”
- Reading from a book that explains a physical phenomenon such as weather can help calm their fears.
As your children practice meaningful reading such as the examples listed above, they will also learn that reading is not confined to books. A second-grader can enjoy magazines, newspapers, and even reading from a cereal box, street sign or elevator buttons. As they bring their imagination to reading, children will lift some of the arbitrary limits that mechanical reading creates for them.
There is reading for giggling, for which joke books are great. There is reading for snoring, for which bedtime stories are good. There is reading for any purpose, just fill in the blank.
Just make sure you avoid reading for struggling or reading for guilt by putting the meaning back in its place.
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Trust imperative for a child to grow up
June 15, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: Middle
School |
High
School
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My
13-year-old daughter is out of school for the
summer and after a week, I’m worried about the
remainder of her summer break. I work and cannot
take vacation now. At her age, there isn’t much
for children to do unsupervised. Camps want this
age child to work and not play but I want her to
have a break from school and not start working so
I’m not going to send her to camp and I’m not
going to let her baby-sit.
I’ve looked only to come up with an occasional activity but nothing constant. And because I am a single parent with no family here to help me, I have no choice but to let her stay home alone, yet I’m afraid of everything I hear in the news. How do I keep my child a good child when there is no one to look after her? Chase J., Memphis, TN |
Dear Chase: Parents today are being steadily pulled and pushed toward parenting with fear. Fear for our child’s safety and wellbeing is a strong pull.
The Assessment: We constantly hear about the failures of other families with their children in a number of areas. Here are just a few of those failures you and other parents are all too familiar with: Teen pregnancy, smoking cigarettes, drinking, drugs, gang activity, bullying and school failure.
It is natural as a parent to want to protect our children from these threats to their future. In addition, we are pushed by the fear of warning signs to watch for in our children’s behavior:
• Is your child moody or unhappy?
• Does he or she avoid you?
• Are your child’s grades slipping?
Implicit in this type of checklist is the fear that unless we act now, our children may some day be added to the list of failures. Of course, society has given us some good reasons to be cautious, if not outright fearful.
Children today have an early exposure to knowledge of things and activities from the adult realm and this forces us to be watchful. But in doing so, we risk falling into the trap of parenting with fear rather than parenting with trust.
Parenting with fear means holding on to past methods rather than transitioning to new ways as the child transitions to increased independence with responsible actions. Parenting with trust – not blind trust – means that we must exhibit and teach mutual trust and responsibility. This gives our children the chance to make decisions without being under our watchful eye.
Having to leave a child at home alone does create a feeling of sadness when we have spent so many years watching and knowing all that the child does. But as the child enters “middle-aged” childhood, we must also move into a middle stage of parenting, not holding on quite as much and yet not letting go completely.
What To Do: There are very few states in the U.S. with legal minimum ages for children home alone, but many state agencies have published guidelines. Georgia, Illinois, Maryland and Oregon are a few of the states with specific ages specified in their laws. Twelve years of age appears to be the most common recommendation.
Malinda, you can begin by visiting your state’s Department of Human Services website for any state mandated ages or guidelines it may have on leaving children home alone. (http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/)
Latchkey Kids is another good reference site for this type of information.
(http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm) This site also provides a state-by-state comparison with references. As you will see from this site, Tennessee has only a guideline – age 10 – for how young a child can be to stay home alone. The Tennessee Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (http://www.tennessee.gov/tcjfcj/faq.html) states the following: “There is no legal age for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child’s maturity level and safety issues in mind. Younger children have a greater need for supervision and care than older children. Obviously, young children under age 10 should not be left without supervision at any time. In most cases, older teenage children may be left alone for short periods of time.”
Once you are sure you are within legal guidelines, you are now ready to parent with trust.
Sit with your child and together make a list of all the things you fear would produce pain in her life. Then let her know that rather than fear these and treat her with mistrust, together you will make sure she learns the rules that develop trust.
Make a list of the characteristics you will focus on in this first summer of learning about independence with responsibility. Also let her know that these will be the same skills that may help her avoid future pain.
Some of the characteristics could be honesty, trust, perseverance and constancy. Talk about these terms and find examples from the past when she has demonstrated these qualities under your supervision. Help her see that she has already been successful.
Then help her set up explicit tasks that she will carry out to demonstrate that she is capable of continuing her success without your watchful eye. For example:
• Honesty: I will only go someplace with permission.
• Trust: When I ask permission to do something, I will present both the pros and cons of the situation and my reasoning. I will trust that my parent will make a sound decision, and will help me understand the reason.
• Perseverance: I will finish all chores in spite of how hard they seem or how tired I feel or how much I don’t want to do them.
• Constancy: I’ll do all of these and not have to fear surprises.
In the evening when you come home from work, reinforce your child’s successes by using these words in your conversation with her. For example, you can say, “You finished vacuuming the house. That’s perseverance.”
Parenting with fear combined with parenting from a distance is not the type of guidance our children need. Parenting for trust puts you back where you’ve always been and where your child needs you - in charge!
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Time is life: Calendars develop responsibility
June 08, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: During the
past school year, my daughter has made great
strides toward being responsible when it came to
her daily schoolwork, but she fell behind every
time there was a long-term assignment such as a
book report or science project.
We’re barely into the summer break and I can already see her just living from moment to moment. While I do want her to have a chance to relax, I also want her to understand that we can’t always live for just the moment. What can I do this summer to help her develop her long-range planning skills? Treena B., Alexandria, LA |
Dear Treena: Every adult has memories of the last day of school. We all ran out of the building for the final time that year with only one thought: Freedom! Our imaginations went wild with the anticipation of doing all of the things that we were not allowed to do while school was in session, like sleeping in and staying up late. Yet most of us learned pretty soon thereafter that our parents envisioned a different vacation for us. For a child, chores and responsibilities can make a long summer seem very short – so it is a great time to learn how to manage time and develop responsibility while still leaving plenty of time for summer fun.
The Assessment: During the school year, children are constantly being reminded of the importance of time, not just in finishing tasks at school but also in their home life. So, it is not uncommon for them to relax as soon as school is out for the summer.
Parents often prod their children with remarks such as:
• Hurry up and brush your teeth, it’s time for bed.
• Get in the car or you’ll be late for school.
• You’re not dressed and church starts in half an hour.
Time hassles children not just in the present, but also in the past tense. On report cards, it’s the category called “Uses Time Wisely.” At home, it’s likely to be an argument that brings on guilt, frustration and anger. Then, these children hear remarks such as:
• You had six weeks to do this project and you’re just telling me now?
• Why didn’t you tell me sooner that you were failing?
• What do you mean you forgot you had a test?
The emphasis on time can be confusing for both children and adults. Although children are expected to finish short-term and long-term assignments on time, many adults have to turn to seminars on time management to learn to do the same things in their daily lives.
“Time” is a difficult concept, but we can use the easy living of summer to teach our children that time is the opportunity of a lifetime.
What To Do: Get a month-at-a-glance calendar and cut out the summer months. Tape them together in a sequence so the entire summer is visible. Make sure to include the month when school starts again so your child learns to manage the transition.
Set a “time” to sit with your child and talk about the calendar. In your conversation, include these two basic points:
1) Time is all you were born with. When you’ve used it all up, you’re gone! So time doesn’t belong to the clock, it belongs to you.
2)Time is your life and a calendar is a picture of your life. Use it to show what is important to you.
Next, have your child make a list of things she plans to do during the summer. The list should include daily events, such as: “I want to sleep late, watch cartoons from 3 to 4 every afternoon and play outside with my friends before dinner.” The list should also include summer projects, such as: “I want to build a skateboard and make a dress for my doll.”
Then help your child add things you know she will have to do that she might not think of, such as: “feed the dog, go to the dentist, get a haircut, and make a card for grandmother’s birthday.”
Now ask your child to fill in her life (her calendar) in the spaces. Have her do it in pencil so each day she can change her life if she needs to. Here is where your child learns that much of her life (her time) is under her control. Finally, have your child write a title on top of the calendar so that you know what to call this later on, something like “A Picture of My Life.”
Each evening, make sure your child crosses out the day gone by so she understands that no matter how she uses her time, that opportunity will never come back again. Have your child assess the next day and make any changes needed in “her life.” Take a long look at the future and focus on the long-term by reminding her, “only eight days left until the fourth of July.”
As summer goes by and your child can see how she can be in charge, you can set her up to take charge of her life when school starts again because now she plans on it!
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