Student's mission changes with different grades

December 28, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I am a regular reader of your articles online. I am the mother of a 12-year-old daughter who is in the seventh grade. She has always been an "A" student who has not had to work hard for her grades. However, this year the story is a little different. So far, her actual grades have not been bad (As and Bs), but when we average her test scores, they end up being Cs and Ds. Luckily for her the classroom participation and completing homework assignments are figured into her grades.

My husband and I are helping her study each night but feel that our study methods may not be the most appropriate for her. Unfortunately, she seems rather uninterested in studying and unconcerned about her grades. I feel that since this is the first time she has really had to work hard for good grades, she is at a loss for how to handle the pressure. Gretchen G., Lexington, KY


The Assessment: When good students suddenly have difficulty in school, parents often assume that it's due to lack of motivation. While this may be true for some students it's certainly not the case with the majority for students I have worked with over the years. The real reason schoolwork becomes more difficult is that the curriculums expected of students as they make the transition from elementary school to middle school are more complex. The shift is one from convergent thinking to divergent thinking.

For this reason, parents and children must be aware that the purpose of education changes at certain grades. When the purpose changes, the method to achieve success must change too. Students cannot continue to use convergent tactics (like rote memorization) for a divergent curriculum and expect the same results that they had before the focus shifted.

In grades one through six, children are taught basic skills and given the opportunity to practice and repeat these skills until they master them. Basic skills is a catchall group that includes reading, writing and arithmetic, but also include decoding words and meanings, understanding the differences between facts and opinions, identifying the main ideas and supporting information, grammar, punctuation, and language formulation with logic and sequences, just to name a few.

Basic skills are learned through repetition. This is why, regardless of grade, most textbooks start with a review of what has been taught before. It takes all of elementary school for most children to practice these skills until they become automatic.

In grades seven and eight, the purpose of school changes. Basic skills are assumed to be in place. Now, students must use those skills to access information and demonstrate ownership of the information by "translating" it in a unique way. This is best thought of as the ability to paraphrase. Here, the premium shifts from the ability to memorize through repetition in a convergent way to a more divergent, abstract understanding of information that will ultimately lead the student to the creation of new knowledge.

Here are a few examples of how elementary and middle school differ:

In elementary school, students are asked to memorize a poem about a topic. In middle school students are asked to read the poem and interpret the message that the author intended for his readers.

In elementary school students are asked to memorize the dates of the American Revolution the major victories and who led the battles. In middle school the above is given, but the students are now also to compare and contrast the motivations for the Confederacy and the Union stances, and use them to explain why we had a Civil War.

In elementary school students are asked to write a book report. In middle school students are asked to identify with a certain character and explain why the character is important to the book.

Many children do well in elementary school because they develop basic skills quickly. Repetition works. However, the erroneous belief that repetition – having a good memory – remains the key to success as they move into middle school is a common downfall that is a major source of frustration.

What To Do: To find the best learning strategies for your child, begin by recognizing that the destination is different. Help your daughter develop the main skill she needs not for studying, but for learning:

  • Paraphrasing. Unless your child is able to read, write and do math through explanations of her own, you are ultimately headed for problems.
  • Instead of working with her to read and answer questions use the time together to discuss that she is learning. Make sure your daughter understands and can explain the cause-and-effect relationship of important events. Challenge her to ask “why?” and help her develop confidence in her own answers.
  • Middle school is a major transition for students and parents. As you adapt to the new requirements, remember one important rule: If you do something and it doesn't give you the desired results, doing more of the same will not yield different results. The mission must change.

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Children cannot grow two feet taller overnight

December 21, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: Elementary School
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Dear Dr. Fournier: If a kindergartner is reading, writing and academically above kindergarten level, with great learning potential, would you recommend advancing him/her? I guess I’m looking for determining factors since such a move would surely impact the student’s remaining school academics and school years. Debbie, Tuscon, AZ


Dear Debbie: It is natural for a parent to shriek with delight when they are told that their child is performing above the level of his or her peers. When this happens, the tendency is for the parent to then seek to match the child’s level by either “accelerating” the pace of the curriculum, or “promoting” the child to the next grade level. Many parents are thrilled with this development, and they can then say with pride to other parents that their child is enrolled in an “accelerated” curriculum.

Be warned, however. The promise of the accelerated curriculum is a dangling carrot, hanging there to entice the parent into taking the bait. What is this bait you ask? The bait is to fall for the erroneous belief that your child can grow two feet taller by tomorrow; the idea that teaching our children enough quantity is better than ensuring that the quality of learning is acceptable, or that the material is being taught with the depth that goes beyond passing tests.

The Assessment: The poignant line in the film “Summer of ‘42” comes to mind whenever I have to make a major decision: “For everything you take with you, you leave something behind.”

While loving parents may want to advance their child, the real question is not, “What will we gain?” but “What will we give up?”

For a child to have success in school, I believe they must have at least three things:

1. Cognitive readiness to learn what is about to be taught.

2. Behavioral readiness to carry out the actions considered to be appropriate responses to tasks and social interaction; and

3. Emotional security to cope with new challenges without fear or humiliation or reprisals.

Your letter indicates that this kindergartner meets the first criteria and has something to gain by advancing a grade. But what will this child sacrifice, behaviorally and emotionally?

Until you can answer that question, you are not ready to make this decision that will affect long-term learning and personal development.

What To Do: Create an accurate scorecard of what your child will gain versus what he or she will lose in each category.

For example, despite potential gains, what will this child give up cognitively?
  • The calmness with which the child is learning now.
  • The time to explore other skills.
  • The possibility of turning above-average grades into an average or below-average performance at higher skill levels.

Behaviorally, the child may gain increased stress and may have to give up:
  • Family time due to increased homework and learning expectations
  • Time and opportunity to socialize with age-appropriate peers.
  • The opportunity for a 5-year-old to be treated like a 5-year-old – because, for the rest of the child’s life, he or she will be expected to learn, behave and demonstrate competency at the level of children one to two years older.

Emotionally, what will this child give up?
  • The opportunity to develop confidence, relish success, and fuel an inner desire to achieve continued success – all critical elements in what we call “motivation.”
  • The possibility of being a leader rather than a young follower.
  • The ability to learn how to connect with age appropriate peers without being overwhelmed or fearing rejection.

Decisions about school based solely on a child’s cognitive ability are what I call “off with their head” decisions – as if we guillotined them from the rest of their being.

The determining factor is what happens to a child’s heart. I have learned that the more we give our children, the greater our list of what we take away. As parents, we must make sure that anything we take away is to make their lives better – not more stressful and fearful.

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Safe school environment means bullying must end

December 07, 2010 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My husband and I recently moved to a new city, and my son is a third grader who is now in his first year at a new school. He has had no problems with school in first and second grades, but this year we noticed that he was sadder, for lack of a better descriptive word. He has been complaining of not feeling well, so much so that I suspected that he was attempting to avoid school. This led to some tension in the house, and has gone on for some time. I was at the school one day to pick up my son, and one of his friends I spoke to mentioned in passing that my son was being bullied! I was horrified, and on the way home I asked my son about it. He literally broke down in the car and admitted that it was true. I am furious about this but I don’t know what I should do about it. What should be done in these situations?  Stacy C., Nashville, TN


Dear Stacy: I am very sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, your case is not a unique one. I chose to respond to your question because it is not the only letter that has come in recently concerning the topic of bullying. This is an epidemic that has shown no signs of fading from schoolrooms, hallways, and lunchrooms; so much so that a campaign called “Take a Stand. Lend a Hand.” was created by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and the Maternal and Child Health Bureau (MCHB).

The Assessment: The answer to the question of what to do about bullying will vary wildly depending on whom you ask for advice. The one thing that I think everyone can more or less agree on is that it takes a group effort. You, your son, and school administrators will all need to be involved in order to effectively deal with this situation. At the bottom of this article, I have posted links to two sites that have a much more extensive look at this problem and solutions than I can offer in a single article. Please take the time to look through the information on them. Be sure to do this with your son, as there are plenty of useful tips, webisodes, and steps that are meant for him directly.

What To Do: Stacy, if your son is the target of verbal abuse from the bullies, one of the most important things he can do is to alert his teacher or teachers. If he has concern that this is “tattle-telling,” assure him that it is not, and is in fact the first step toward becoming part of the solution to help put an end to the bully’s behavior. Also, it is helpful to have a friend or two around. It is an easy thing for the wolf (the bully) to try and single out the member of the herd that he perceives as weak and or alone, so encourage your son to play or sit with a friend or two in the lunchrooms and on the playground. The other reason this is a good idea, though your son may not recognize this immediately, is that this prepares a witness. A bully is less likely to do what he does best if there is a witness that can add credibility to your son’s story if he goes to an administrator. That alone can be enough to deter a bully.

Catching an escalating situation before it has the opportunity to turn physical is the best way to handle it. I have heard from some martial arts people that “the best way to avoid an altercation is not to be there.” In this case, your son will have to settle for preemption. He can go about this in several ways. When dealing with a bully, I used to tell my son that an apple tree couldn’t produce a pear. What I meant by that was that (in the case of bullying) a person who is in pain feels that he must beget pain to make him or herself feel better. With most bullies, we are dealing with people who have a deep sense of guilt that has led to fear; that fear has led to anger, and that anger has led to the desire to expel the negativity via a scapegoat: either him or her self (self-inflicted harm) or another person (bullying, physical or verbal abuse.) When the target is another person, the bully will play the role of an intimidator, looking for someone to fill the role of the “poor me.” If your son has the presence of mind to not give the bully what he wants, it will confuse the cycle of intimidator to victim. He can respond with something as simple as “I see you are having a bad day, bye!” Or, “You are nice, but you are saying some really ugly things right now.” Then he can go tell the teacher if the behavior persists or the bully is intent on escalating the situation.

When faced with the question of physical bullying, most sources will tell your son not to fight back. The thinking behind this suggestion is that it may escalate the level of aggression in the situation, and will make matters worse in the long run. One of the chief problems with an “eye for an eye” type attitude to bullying is simply the typical consequence that comes from fighting. In many cases when children have fought back against their aggressors, both children are many times suspended for the event. This takes me back to the my point that the most effective solution is making others aware of the situation, and preemption by getting vocal to witnesses and or the bullies themselves. That said, there is nothing wrong with your child defending himself. When people hear the words “self-defense,” they typically think of cool moves one does to a bad guy who is assaulting them. However, good self-defense also includes general awareness (Here comes the bully looking for trouble, I can go play with my friend or move closer to the teacher) and the “shoe express,” (namely running.) I give this advice because I cannot advise a course of action in good conscience that may put your child in a more dangerous situation, or one that will jeopardize his standing with the school and with his academics by risking a suspension.

That said, you, or your son may feel better if he enrolls in a program that can teach him some self-defense tactics. However, if you elect to pursue this, do not be fooled. Serious martial artists will tell you that you cannot learn to defend yourself in “five easy lessons” or in an afternoon. You do not want your child to have a false sense of security and comfort in abilities that will not stand up to the test of a real world situation, and can even get the victim hurt even worse because he or she thought that they were prepared. So, if self-defense courses are ever one of the options you are considering, please take the above points into advisement, and be sure that your son understands that he will not become a superhero after one class, nor will it give him permission to use this training without just cause lest he become that which he seeks to protect himself from. Please keep me posted on how this situation evolves with your son, because this is a problem that deserves national attention for the sake of our children’s physical and emotional well-being.

http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adults/default.aspx
http://www.ncpc.org/topics/bullying

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