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Homework
Home rules, not school rules
December 16, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I’ve been saving your columns as resources for when my sons start school. What do you offer parents that will help prepare children for school? I wish I would have known about your columns when I was a fifth grade teacher. |
The Assessment: I’m assuming you have been around your children during the day and observed them closely. One son may watch television programs aimed at children such as Sesame Street. The other may pull out Legos® and play for a while. Becoming bored, this son may stop in the middle of building something and go to his room for other toys. He may even yell out for you to come see something in his room. The other son may hop up in the middle of his show and go to the bathroom, without approval or permission or head for the kitchen to get a snack or even ask for his lunch outside of the “normal” lunch hour. Why? Because you use my Live Like a Family™ rules at home regarding these activities.
First, let your children be children for as long as they can be. School comes soon enough and once they enter, they will be slammed with the outdated teachings of our agricultural and industrial era school system along with the pushed-down acceleration of data, which is developmentally inappropriate and, for too many children, damaging.
What To Do: Many parents use my Red Light/Green Light™ strategy to explain my Live Like a Student™ rules to children. Have a pretend school day in your home once or twice a week to begin showing them how school will be different from home because of school rules.
As you have these dress rehearsals for school, call out “red light” when your child does not follow a Rule of School™ and have him explain the rule so you are confident he understands it. If he does, call out “green light” and resume “play” school. Soon, your children will become used to school rules they will have to abide by.
For example, explain they cannot jump up in school any time they want and run to the bathroom. Explain they must raise their hands, be recognized and receive permission. Likewise, explain they cannot simply shout out in class as they are allowed to do at home and that they cannot stop doing something simply because they become bored with it.
Purchase a backpack, notebook and pencils. As their pretend teacher, give them a “class” assignment. Have them use the pencils and paper, even if only to draw. Explain to your sons that they will be bringing schoolwork home for you to review and sign, as well as homework they will have to complete at home.
Show them how to place their papers and pencils in their backpacks in a neat and arranged fashion. This teaches organizational skills. Have your sons place their backpacks in the same location each day after packed and ready for school then explain to them that mornings will be hectic and they will need to have everything in one place, ready to go as soon as they are dressed and have finished breakfast.
Explain to them that rules, at home or school, are to keep them safe. Make sure you add my When Kids Get Home Rule of School™ for your children. The first thing they do the minute they get home is seek out Mom, give her a hug and say, “Hi, Mom, I’m home from school and I can’t wait to finish my homework so I can stop being a student and be your son again!” The moment they are finished and everything for the next day is in the same place, announce they are now free to go to the Live Like a Family™ rules and celebrate the rest of the day.
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Simple Disrespect
November 04, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I read
with interest a recent opinion you gave on a
“straight A eleven-year-old being disrespectful
of her mother” because she didn’t want her mother
looking at her homework. I think there is more
than disrespect involved (assuming these are real
people).
I am the mom of three sons (ages 14, 17, 20). All of them are very capable students but all have very different feelings about my involvement in their school responsibilities from wanting my input to absolutely not wanting any input. I learned to adjust my approach so that even the most independent does not have a problem with my looking at his work when I’d like. I have found that effective communication is essential in some of the stickier parenting issues. |
The Assessment: Let me address a couple of your comments first.
“Assuming these are real people” – I can assure you these letters are from real people. After 30 years of practice and more than 20 years writing this column, I am still flooded with letters, calls and e-mails from real people who seek my advice on painful issues with their children. Her question was not uncommon. I have received it many times in some form or another from all over the country.
“I have found that effective communication is essential in some of the stickier parenting issues” – The only sticky issue here is the misguided idea that a parent should acquiesce when a child attempts to parent the parent into obeying the child’s rules.
What To Do: A parent is the major caretaker and stakeholder of a child’s complete education. Each year teachers teach the portion they are assigned. It is the parent – and only the parent – that is capable of seeing the whole picture. And the whole picture is that A’s in school are only a small part of this child’s education and what she will need to achieve success as an adult. The one thing I do know from dealing with my own son and working with thousands of children during my career is that this child does not know who her boss is. It is not her teachers, it not her friends, and it is not herself.
This child is preparing to be at the beginning of her work life in the year 2022. By then technology, information and communication will force her to work cooperatively and collaboratively with people of all nations. If she is unable to do this with caring for her coworkers concerns, they are not going to put up with her. If this child is making A’s in school but won’t cooperate with her mother at home, she is lucky she doesn’t live with me. It would take me one second to tear up her homework and tell her to start again; and this time she’d better understand Mom is the major stakeholder in her life and is the boss in charge of her education, and that includes reviewing homework assignments as desired.
We have enough hateful, arrogant and “better than thou” people in the world. I certainly refuse to endorse a mother bringing up one more up.
This child doesn’t need to learn any more math, English, science or anything else until she learns one thing: “The world does not remember us by our style or by our wit; it does not remember us by our knowledge or our words; no, the world remembers only one thing: The world remembers love.” (Author unknown – but the author’s love is remembered because he knew that disrespect is never simple – yet it is what wars are made of).
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Less can be more
November 11, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: Now that you have told us about not doing homework and being respectful toward the teacher, please tell teachers that more than 60 minutes of homework a night is more than any child should have to do. This is what I would call respect for my family, who is involved in many other activities. Your article didn’t say how much homework the child not completing his homework was doing every night, but what if it was hours and not just 60 minutes several nights a week? I think, I hope your response would have been different. |
The Assessment: In a recent column, I did answer a question regarding children using school as a casino. They choose and pick what they will do. Of course the easiest chip to gamble with is homework. You can say to your parents you did it then tell your teacher you lost or left it at home or in your locker or many other stories I have heard from kids. Many students think a zero for homework can be made up with a good test grade.
There is a terrible problem attached to this casino game. Students can actually come out winners even if it is with a D – but they will find as adults that the majority of their work life will be made of tasks that will be like homework. Yet once hired, playing at the casino game is your way of saying to whoever writes your check that you have the belief – developed during your education years – that you can be unreliable, disrespectful and cheat and still expect to be employed and paid.
What To Do: For any child to be given more than one hour of homework when it is not worth an hour of their life is to totally disrespect the reality that parents’ jobs today have been expanded because schools refuse to teach our children the skills they will need to be successful in 2020 and beyond – a world neither you, myself, nor any of your grandchildren’s teachers can imagine. Instead, they keep teaching more of the old industrial era information calling it “better” education simply because it’s “more” education. Making our children learn more of what our generation knows is obsolete, with the exception of the basic skills of reading, writing, arithmetic, speaking and listening, is pointless and a waste of yours and your child’s precious time.
Teachers however are not the culprits! We must all take blame. Once we can do that, we possibly can get on with realizing that reforming our schools will no longer work. Once we can collectively face politicians and policy-makers and demand a new school system, we may be able to stop excessive homework and our children can actually start learning in school. Only in a new school system can we correct the fact that more than 50 percent of high school graduates have to learn their basic skills in high school and college because they didn’t get them in elementary and junior high.
The Treasurer of a County School Corporation sent in this letter. As treasurer, you know that money is always tight and expense has an exponential growth gene of its own.
I ask your patience. I plan to use your letter again to directly attack the subject of just how much homework is enough. In the meantime, how much would society and your school system save if teachers were paid for how much children actually learned in school instead of how much homework and outside projects they are assigned that too many times end up destroying the fabric of family life? Could we line item that as “Priceless!”
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Breakdown large assignments to avoid anxiety
September 16, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: Elementary
School
My
son is having a hard time returning to school. Last
year he was in kindergarten and had homework. This
year, his homework has increased. Now when he sees a
full page of homework, he has a meltdown thinking it
will take him forever. He now brings home a math
sheet and a reading sheet as well as spelling for
Friday tests. My son did well last year but it took a
lot of tears and agony by the entire family. What can
I do? Read
more...
Examine block system to ensure benefits
August 26, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: Pre-School
| Elementary
School
I
have a grandchild in the 5th grade that now goes to a
block scheduled school. He is in one classroom much
longer, but after the initial lesson, his teacher
answers any questions then supervises students while
they sit quietly and do their assigned
homework. Doesn’t this seem like a much better
idea than actually sending home hours of
homework?Read
more...
Dealing with excessive amounts of homework
May 27, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
In
a previous column, you explained that a student’s
failure to complete homework assignments was a sign
of disrespect for the teacher. While I agree, I think
there is another issue that should be addressed.
Teachers need to assign the proper amount of homework
without overloading students and placing a burden on
their entire families. In the same way that students
must respect their teachers, teachers must respect
the students’ time outside of the classroom. My
grandchild is in the fourth grade and often has
several hours of homework, several nights a week.
Shouldn’t the bulk of learning take place in the
classroom? Don’t we want our children to have some
time each day to spend with their families? Where
should our schools and teachers draw the line on
homework?
Read more...
Keep reading on par with TV & Internet
March 25, 2008 12:00 PM Filed in: Elementary
School |
Skill
Sets
My
fifth grade son hates to read. It is that simple.
This is extremely frustrating because he has a great
memory and loves to learn by watching TV. He doesn’t
miss a program about animals, and he knows more about
history than me. On top of that, he enjoys telling
people about all of the fascinating things he has
seen on television. I encourage his learning however
I can, but I know reading is really important to his
education and future. What can I do?
Read more...
Read more...
Unparalyze the writing mind
February 12, 2008 03:07 PM Filed in: Skill Sets
My
daughter is having a terrible time writing papers in
her ninth grade class. The teacher gives clear
instructions and provides a schedule detailing when
each step is due. The process is broken down into
manageable parts – the outline, note cards, first
draft, second draft, and bibliography – but in spite
of this, my daughter says she doesn’t know how to
begin.
At a young age, my daughter loved writing her own prose and poetry and reading her work to others. Now she is paralyzed. Out of desperation, I completely wrote one paper for her. She received a 66 on that assignment, and since then, she has lost all confidence in me. I admit that I am insulted – as a lawyer I write all the time for my job. Now we are both angry. What should I do?Read more...
At a young age, my daughter loved writing her own prose and poetry and reading her work to others. Now she is paralyzed. Out of desperation, I completely wrote one paper for her. She received a 66 on that assignment, and since then, she has lost all confidence in me. I admit that I am insulted – as a lawyer I write all the time for my job. Now we are both angry. What should I do?Read more...
