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Holidays
How to enjoy your journey through the holidays
December 18, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: As the holidays approach, I feel relief for the peaceful (without school) time I will have with my family, but also despair because of all of the entertaining, cooking, dirty dishes, decorating, buying, etc. I feel schizophrenic -- happy and sad at the same time. What am I teaching my children? |
The Assessment: Being a parent is the most difficult task a person can have. When I became a "Mama," I learned to love unconditionally, and that unconditional love can be joyous and painful at the same time. You want your child to be happy and never hurt. But in real life, that isn't possible. The danger is that when you obsessively try to make sure your child is never unhappy, you teach your child to be afraid instead of finding the joy of now and in the moment.
Marketers know only too well how much we love our children and families -- and they capitalize on it by convincing us that we must produce "A Holiday Wonderland."
We have been made to feel ashamed if we don't do everything to perfection -- without help, and with a smile on our faces.
What To Do: There is nothing wrong with the holidays. There is something wrong with us who are so worried about making them perfect that we miss the joy of the moment amidst all the preparation.
Cut your to-do list until it is truly doable. You're not required to be "Super Mom." It is so much better to have your child remember Happy Mom.
If making three pies is stressing you, make one. Or have your guests and family join in and cook together. If the house is dirty, it will be dirtier afterwards.
Don't stress about the perfect house, either. Clean up the visible mess, and if someone's offended, don't worry about it. They don't need to come back next year, or if they do, they could be the very person you call next time for help.
Holidays are supposed to be the time when families and friends come together to create the greatest gift of all -- memories of love through togetherness.
Get rid of the fear of the preparation for the holiday, and the pressure of trying to make it perfect. Instead, enjoy the journey, and teach your child the message of unconditional togetherness and love. There is never a better time to enjoy the journey.
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Remember to focus on life's 'golf balls'
November 20, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I thought
some of your readers would benefit from the
following story sent to me by a reader called
“The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee.”
A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items on the table. When the class began, he silently picked up an empty mayonnaise jar and filled it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar, filling the open areas between the golf balls. The students again agreed it was full. The professor next poured a box of sand into the jar’s remaining space. He asked once more if the jar was full, and the students responded with a unanimous "yes." He then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured their entire contents into the jar. "This jar represents your life,” the professor said. “The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else – the small stuff.” “If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls,” he continued. “The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.” One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. "I'm glad you asked,” the professor said. “It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend." |
The Assessment: I was once asked to speak at a Wednesday night church service, and that night I explained how parents could find something I call the “Seventh Sense®.” This is the innate knowledge that God writes on our hearts, telling us how to live our lives regardless of society’s standards. I told the group how my Seventh Sense® led me to unique ideas as I for raised my son. I was following the instructions God did send with him. When he was young, I made time for us to play together every night, and neither homework nor a specified bedtime could get in the way. This was due a non-negotiable belief in our home, along with the emphasis on developing a family spiritual community.
As the church members followed the steps I directed them through they began to discover their own, unique, individual Seventh Sense®, it was amazing to watch the parents suddenly realize how their previous rules were not about the “golf balls.” They had been focusing on the pebbles! Leaving that night, I met the Assistant Reverend of the church. She apologized for missing the talk but explained she had been at home, making sure that her daughter finished her homework. “I stayed home so she will understand that school is her first priority,” she said. Unfortunately, spending time with her family and her spiritual community was the golf ball – yet a pebble came first.
What To Do: Soon, everyone in this country will celebrate Thanksgiving according to their family’s traditions. In many homes, this includes a prayer of thanks for the blessings received during the past year. But this Thanksgiving my prayer will include something else. I will pray that more parents will help their children realize life’s priorities by taking time to realize the important things themselves. Children watch and listen to their parents more than we imagine – they learn from our example. Thanksgiving is a time to remember what is important in life, not only during the third week of November, but for each and every day of our lives.
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