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Diagnoses
Teach your child to follow through on tasks
November 27, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: Last week, my son’s school held parent/teacher conferences, and that’s when I received an unpleasant surprise – my son is making less than stellar grades. When I asked the teacher what was wrong, she told me that my son had several zeros for not turning in his homework. He does his homework every night, and even asks for my help when he doesn’t understand a concept. I know he completes his work, but for some reason he is not turning all of it in. How do I solve this problem? It was suggested I might want to have him tested for ADHD? |
The Assessment: Modern educators often look for a medical explanation like ADHD, but I wouldn’t be so quick to consider testing. Your son probably does not have a problem – a problem is something so big that one person can’t solve it. That’s why I never vote for politicians who say they will solve problems like crime. What a joke! I would love to have their magic wand.
A problem is a composite of smaller situations called issues. An issue is something that is small and doable, and your son has successfully found solutions for many issues: he knows what his homework is, brings home the right materials, asks questions when he does not understand, and realizes you are present to help him.
This indicates that your son pays attention at school, works diligently and excels at time management. In this context, we see that your son does many things well. You should celebrate all that your son has accomplished!
The issue you are encountering is not that unusual. Many children conscientiously do their homework, but once those assignments are completed, they mentally check off the task – not realizing their work must be taken to fruition. This same situation often occurs in the “adult” world. Have you ever gone to the dry cleaners, only to realize that you left your laundry at home? Or have you cooked a dinner, only to remember at the end of the meal that the rolls were left in the oven?
What To Do: Teach your child the strategy of “Close the Circle™.” This method explains that homework begins and ends with the teacher. If the finished assignment doesn’t make it back to the teacher, then the teacher won’t know it was completed and will act as if nothing were done.
Have your son place completed assignments into a designated homework folder, and each night, have him place the folder in his backpack. Before he leaves for school in the morning, ask to see and check inside his homework folder. Inside this folder, keep a homework sheet with a grid for each subject. Have your son check off the subject when he places the homework in the folder, and a full circle when the entire job has been done. Include a space for him to record his grades when he gets his homework back. Check the folder every night to make sure homework was handed in. Then celebrate. You will be teaching him a lesson many adults and executives still do not have down pat.
In the workplace, there are two types of employees. When you ask the first employee if a task is complete, the answer is: “Well I told Suzanne to do it.” Even if the end results are excellent, the workflow was impeded because of the employee’s lack of knowledge of the end result of a task HE was given. The second type of employee always knows a project’s status and can give a full report at any time. This employee fully understands that he his work only worthwhile if he has “Closed the Circle™.” Whom do you think will be promoted? By teaching your child to “Close the Circle™,” you are instilling habits that will not only ensure success at school, but also provide your child with the foundation to realize his goals and dreams later in life as he is first in line for each promotion. If he has his own business he will know whom he will give a raise to and whom he will fire. You have been given an incredible opportunity to solve an issue – don’t turn it into a problem or pathology. Your child is not sick. He is still learning how to be a responsible adult. Congratulations on all the good things he has learned so far.
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Things change, but children still need HW skills
November 06, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I recently
read your article "New school can make all the
difference" in
the Desert Morning News of Salt
Lake City, Utah. I found it very interesting
because my wife and I relate with many of the
experiences you discussed.
We are retired and in our early seventies, and about 4 years ago we adopted five of our grandchildren, whom we have raised since they were infants. Their ages range from 11 to 16, and two of them have ADHD and Asperger’s. With all of the obstacles to overcome, the most difficult challenge has been the generational gap – the world for a teenager today is much different from when we were children. Of particular interest (and sometimes frustration) is the present-day education system. I often think, “That's not what I studied when I was that age." Of course, much is the same, but students are expected to learn more and have greater responsibilities earlier in life. A teacher told us that third graders should be able to manage their schoolwork on their own. How are 9-year-olds supposed to manage their homework without help? In your article, you said students should develop a “homework schedule.” Do you have any material that would help develop a system for homework management? That would be helpful to us and our children. |
The Assessment: As you noted, school is very different today. Our children are facing a new world in a rapidly changing global environment. They must learn the core material taught in the past, but they also must utilize technology, interpret information, create new ideas, and collaborate on group projects.
In today’s changing school environment that integrates group projects and computer presentations, students often aren’t taught how to effectively manage their time and assignments. This is further complicated by the fact that parents and grandparents have not experienced these new demands themselves.
The world now wants thinker-creators and facilitators, not mere “doers.” Teaching your children organizational skills – especially how to multi-task, prioritize and plan ahead – is the most important thing you can instill in them for future success. These skills are not innate; they must be taught, practiced and developed. Corporations spend millions of dollars each year sending their executives to classes to learn these tasks, and students who develop these skills at an early age will succeed in school and later in life.
What To Do: For the last 25 years, I’ve helped students manage their lives using a daily planning tool I developed called The Strategizer®. More than a traditional calendar and assignment book, The Strategizer® is an integrated approach to assignment management. As a well deserved gift, I will send you The Strategizer® for each of your children.
Use The Strategizer® to help your children organize assignments and determine the best time to do each task given the level of concentration needed. The more creative and thought-provoking the task, the fresher the child should be when the task is performed.
Planning ahead is essential. Do not simply create a schedule for the assignments due the next day; make sure that your child considers projects due in the future. Teach your child to anticipate when tests will be given, and then prepare for those tests in advance. By using The Stratagizer®, students eliminate cramming and ensure that assignments are completed on time. Without proper planning, students often have to choose between preparing properly for a test and completing other assignments.
When used daily, these self-management strategies help organize students’ lives, building effective disciplines and habits for a lifetime. When students have plenty of time to finish assignments, they can focus on creativity and critical thinking. Those are the skills that the next generation will need for success and leadership in tomorrow’s world.
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Problem solving homework is most valuable
October 30, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I enjoyed reading the article “Learning math by repetition isn’t for all.” I am a 71-year-old retired chemical engineer that studied math many years ago in both high school and engineering school. To me, math was an interesting experience that taught me how to solve problems – a skill I used later in life. Math was difficult because it taught me to think, and I learned valuable skills by practicing and applying math throughout my education. I don't feel the typical student today spends enough time doing homework, especially in areas such as math. In my opinion, solving problems is the best way for students to learn, and homework gives them more opportunities for practice. |
The Assessment: Homework that includes problem solving is an excellent way for students to learn and develop critical thinking skills, but too often homework involves strict memorization and repetition. I don’t agree that more homework is necessarily a good thing, and many of our nation’s schools equate a good education with the more-is-better approach to homework. When emphasis is placed on quantity instead of quality, the consequences for students can be reprehensible.
I once counseled a student because she wanted to be prescribed Ritalin® (an amphetamine), despite being an honor student. It turned out that she was desperately looking for a lifeline, something that would allow her to stay up until 3 a.m. every night to finish her homework. While “real world” jobs and other commitments sometimes keep us working late, most people do not perform their best working until 3 a.m. each day. Employers do not expect that from their workers, and teachers should not expect that from their students. In today’s global workplace, emphasis is placed on working smarter – not longer hours.
Education prepares children for the future, turning them into life-long learners. This is impossible without teaching students to love new information and to see learning as an adventure. Homework should not be busy work, nor should its quantity be the means by which a school justifies its tuition to parents. Instead, homework is a tool that ensures children can independently perform tasks learned at school.
Once students understand the new concept, that knowledge should be utilized to solve problems and create solutions. A physician, for example, doesn’t memorize the processes of mitosis and cell respiration so that she can simply recite the information in the future. She studies those building blocks of biology so that one day she can cure disease. In the same way, homework is the means to an end. Once students understand the concept learned in school, time is better spent applying the new knowledge in exciting and creative ways.
What To Do: Quantity is not a substitute for quality. Ideally, students should be given some practice problems, but these problems should be followed by something that requires application – using the new skills in a comprehensive way. This process may take more than one night so the child can think, ask others their thoughts, and further investigate new ideas. The best education teaches students to assimilate new information creatively, and it is based on the quality – not the quantity – of tasks.
Admittedly, most students (as well as parents) prefer to mechanically answer twenty problems from memorization. It is undoubtedly simpler to mindlessly complete rote problems than it is to actively learn. Getting an education and just “getting it done” are polar opposites on the learning scale. Is it any wonder that so many college students earn their degree before deciding what they want to do with their lives? When this is the view of education, it becomes a way of life and they wonder why they receive a pink slip instead of a promotion.
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Don't measure 'Gifted' students only by grades, scores
September 20, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: As the parent of a "gifted" seventh grader, I wanted to respond to the advice you offered recently in your column. You responded to a parent whose child was considered "gifted" according to standardized tests, but teachers refused admission to the accelerated program due to the student's insufficient grades. While I agree that placement in a "gifted" program will not make or break a child's academic career, it is troubling that teachers would deny entry to the program solely on the basis of past grades. Regardless of intelligence, it is a sad reflection of our educational system when schools "give up" on students who aren't "gifted" according to traditional guidelines and grades. |
The Assessment: In that column, I addressed the parents' concern that the child was underachieving because I felt that was the primary issue. However, it is a very sad reflection of our educational society, as well as society in general, when our schools "give up" on our children. Perhaps the problem lies with the concept and existence of a "gifted" program. While there are many exceptional teaching practices occurring in "gifted programs" across the nation, I am concerned that such labeling has a negative impact on children. What label do we place on children who do not fit the criteria -- is there an antonym for "gifted?" Would it be ungifted, mediocre or deficient? It is inconceivable to me that our society still believes that giftedness can be measured by test scores or grades.
Though practices vary widely, students usually qualify for "gifted" programs based on their standardized tests scores, grades, and the recommendations of teachers. This is problematic, not only because the various measures may disagree, but also because of the qualifying measures themselves.
Standardized achievement tests assess what the child has learned. This is helpful to evaluate the child's strengths and weaknesses, but these tests do not reflect the child's ability to learn, process and analyze new information. Furthermore, these test scores are affected by numerous factors which can skew the results. In addition to flawed testing strategies, teacher recommendations are very subjective and are often the synthesis of test scores and classroom grades. These traditional indicators often overlook potential, creativity and other important factors.
What To Do: As a society, we must begin to realize that gifts are not singular, especially not in the academic arena. Educators and parents should allow all students to benefit from the teaching innovations of "gifted" programs. These programs are generally more creative and challenge students to explore learning in new and innovative ways.
Unfortunately, only students who perform well under traditional teaching methods are placed in these programs. Could it be that students who do not perform well under traditional educational methods would actually benefit the most from gifted program strategies?
As parents, we must make sure each of our children know they are "gifted," and we must help them find the gifts that make them unique. The desire to learn, to think, to create, and to affect change must be instilled in all students. No parent should ever rely solely on the educational system to provide that desire. Parents must help their children find personal gifts to affect positive change in our world.
When we label some children as "gifted," we imply that other children are not. The educational system should take responsibility for the unspoken disaster of telling so many children they are simply not good enough. But parents are just as responsible as the school when they say nothing and allow this to continue. All children have gifts, and it is the job of teachers and parents to encourage students to find their special talents and abilities.
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Confront children about drug use with confidence
September 13, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: This may not seem like a question about education, yet it is something that concerns me regarding my son’s future. I recently found marijuana in his bedroom. My husband says it’s no big deal. He believes it is simply a phase, something that teenagers experiment with while growing up. I am not so sure. I worry my son is doing something that could end his academic education and ultimately result in an “education” in prison. What do you think I should do? |
The Assessment: I disagree with your husband on many levels. You are right; this is a question about your son’s education and development. We make a big mistake when we believe our children’s education stops at the school doors. We are responsible for our children’s entire development – that includes cognitive aspects, as well as emotional and social growth. When considering the goals for our children, we should always ask: As a 25-year-old adult, who will my son or daughter be?
Too many people in society take the stance that marijuana is no big deal. This position seems to be based on a “lesser-of-many-evils” belief. But why would we, as parents, choose any evil for our child? Marijuana portends negative physical, emotional, and social ramifications for your child’s development.
We also must consider why your child is using marijuana. Often the reasons are similar to those for using alcohol or tobacco: peer pressure, social reasons, and stress. These reasons transcend childhood and should be treated as an opportunity for you to teach your child lifelong skills.
Finally, marijuana is illegal. Most schools have established a zero tolerance for drugs on campus. If your child is caught with marijuana in school, he will likely be expelled or sent to an alternative school. There will also be a trip to juvenile court and exposure to the criminal justice system. That sounds like a big deal to me. Even if your child is able to conceal drug use from officials, he is learning to disregard the law. This can be a slippery slope that haunts your child later in life.
What To Do: Confidently approach your child about his drug use. Find out why your son uses drugs and assess the extent of his use. Make sure your child understands that he is putting something into his body that alters who he is. If your child is having difficulty with peer pressure, ask your child why he is willing to substitute someone else’s thoughts or opinions for his own. If he is using marijuana as a social prop, ask what he dislikes about himself. If the issue is stress, find out what is causing him to seek escape, then work to alleviate that stress.
Lastly, the social and legal and physical ramifications of drug use should not be overlooked. Your child should be fully aware of how a drug offense could significantly affect his future. Make sure he knows that continued drug use is not an option. The correlation of drug use to lung disease and psychosis and the road toward addiction of escape form life issues through the short lived effects of drugs is a straight road to a life in a dark alley with no return. Seek therapeutic help if in spite of your attempts you know your son continues.
Most importantly, remember that drug education is definitely a part of your child’s development. A parent’s job is to raise a person who will be prepared to deal with life’s pressures and stress. There are longstanding battles in life for all of us. Have you not had your own? Has your husband not had his? If you do not teach your son these skills early in life, he will look for answers in the wrong places. He has already learned too much from the wrong people at the wrong time, and you must steer his education in a direction that offers him a life of thriving, not mere surviving.
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A closer look at Williams Syndrome
August 02, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I recently read your article "Celebrate bright child's strong spots," and your comment that each child has a "bright spot" encourages me since I have an eight-year-old grandson who has Williams Syndrome. He excels in many areas of learning (his bright spots) but falls quite short in others (not-so-bright spots). I am particularly interested in teaching strategies for children with this condition. Are you aware of any curriculum or resources to help students with William Syndrome and their teachers? |
The Assessment: One out of every 7,500 babies is born with Williams Syndrome (WS). Because it is not well known, the condition leaves parents asking "What's that?" An intimidating uncertainty sets in when parents hear the prominent features of WS explained to them. Potential medical challenges include: unusual facial features; heart and blood vessel problems; elevated calcium; irritability and feeding problems; hypersensitive hearing (hyperacusis); attention difficulties; dental, kidney and musculoskeletal problems; and certain obsessive tendencies.
These challenges not only confound parents, but also present concerns for others who help serve the child's needs, especially his/her teachers. Because WS is a rare condition, many people have never encountered it. Teachers and care givers may not know how to approach the situation.
Yet, caring pioneers such as Debbie Cooper, Ella Tharp, Dr. Eleanor Semel, Dr. Jeff Crisco and Dr. Karen Levine have researched how to educate these children by using their strengths. A newsletter "Optimal Teaching Techniques for Williams Syndrome Children" was published in 1988 by the Williams Syndrome Association (WSA). Other publications have followed. Of these pioneers, Levine has described the cognitive learning characteristics found in WS, and they are outlined on the website www.williams-syndrome.org. Children with WS exhibit many strengths, including: a sociable nature, expressive vocabulary, long-term memory for information, strong auditory memory and hyperacusis, which can be an asset when learning phonics. I would also add obsessive tendencies as a potential strength. While usually deemed a weakness, I strongly believe it can be a gift. I have successfully used this trait as a gift when working with Asperger Syndrome children for years.
What To Do: The very first child I worked with who had this gift was obsessed with car dealerships. He was eight years old. His family was so accepting of their son's "interest" that they even planned family vacations around it. They went places where their son could visit new dealerships so he could compare them with those he had already explored.
Car dealerships soon became an integral part of his educational curriculum. He soon began asking "What does it take to set one up?" The student learned math by starting with measurements relating to building a dealership (size of land needed, size for showroom, number of offices, etc.). He had to master math basics to calculate pricing and discounts. He also learned math reasoning skills to figure his costs (vehicles in stock, overhead) before he could determine how to price a car and how much negotiating room he had.
Children with WS have what some call the "Cocktail Party Syndrome." They love to talk and are very sociable. They also have excellent vocabulary skills and excellent auditory memory. These are potential "bright spots" that should be utilized.
Your grandson could start by setting up interview questions for a subject he is interested in. His interest could soon be a vehicle for learning. Any topic or subject area would work; currently, I am working with an eight year old who is learning through her obsession in entomology!
It is easy to call something a weakness when it is outside the mainstream. But everything in creation has two sides. A perceived weakness viewed as a strength can transform a challenging situation into a positive learning experience.
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How to teach your child to finish assignments
May 03, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My child
is constantly bringing work home that he did not
finish in class. I have been called in to school
for conferences with teachers. All I hear is that
he is not completing his work. Last week, I found
a stack of incomplete papers in his room. He has
zeroes for each of these. His teachers are saying
he is going to fail and that I should have him
tested for attention problems.
I am not with my child at school, but I am being told to solve the problem. What can I do? |
The Assessment: "Does not complete assignments" is the symptom. Failure in school is the chronic disease.
The symptom at other times is "does not attend to task," which might lead us to leap to certain conclusions: the student is "daydreaming" or has "attention deficit disorder."
Unless an accurate assessment is made, your child’s repeated failures might turn into a vicious cycle. The student who "does not complete assignments" will find a string of low grades or zeroes bringing down his average. When parents receive report cards, they might interpret the failing grades as a sign their child has not learned the material and needs tutorial help.
But there is another, much simpler reason why many children do not complete their work. It has nothing to do with the quality of learning or the ability to learn but the quantity being demanded. It is called "working capacity."
Working capacity is a student’s self-recognition of how much quality work he can achieve in a certain amount of time.
Teachers might assume all children can do the work assigned within the time allotted, but this one-size-fits-all notion oversimplifies a child’s developmental process.
A child who has not developed a sense of his working capacity is easily overwhelmed. He tires easily and escapes through daydreaming.
What To Do: Assess whether your child has a problem with the quantity of work rather than the subject matter. Get a stack of graded papers and regrade them based on what your child has completed.
For example, if your child completed half of the 20 problems on a math test but got nine out of 10 correct, the regraded paper would have a score of 90 instead of 45.
If your child’s grade increases dramatically after regrading, knowledge of the material is likely not the problem; getting a tutor is likely not your solution. Your child probably needs help learning to assess and develop his working capacity.
Have your child set a timer for five minutes. During that time, he should see how much of an assignment he can complete with quality work.
Then have your child do the entire assignment in five-minute segments and add the total time taken.
As your child learns how much quality work he can complete in a certain quantity of time, he develops an awareness of his working capacity.
Be sure to start with small amounts of time. Allow your child to set goals to achieve more work within that time as long as he does not give up quality.
As the child recognizes how much he can do in a certain amount of time, he can then set goals to increase efficiency without giving up effectiveness.
Like the other "occupational skills" of being a student, working capacity must be developed, not just expected. The payoff is more than better school performance; it is a knowledge of self to be used for a lifetime.
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Success in learning is keyed to long-term recall
April 26, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: Whenever I
ask my daughter about her final exams, she says,
"Don’t worry – I have it under control." She
always feels like she is ready for exams. She
does OK on tests but final exams are often a
disaster.
The school has said she might have memory problems and that I should have her tested. But she can remember everything else – even things from when she was a baby. It doesn’t make sense. |
The Assessment: Learning for long-term recall requires more than just a good memory. It also requires learning with context and meaning for our lives. Think of the clues your daughter uses for her long-term memory. She might remember a trip to the zoo because her little sister got lost; she might remember a distant relative because of a different accent or funny expressions. When children recall seemingly minute details from early in their lives, invariable there is a special meaning to them.
Unfortunately, that is not how children learn in school. Children read information in books, take notes from lectures, and listen to facts in videos. Many children take this knowledge in the order it is given without knowing how to personalize it and make it meaningful in their lives. This type of recall with no personal attachment will work for little bits of information needed for tomorrow’s test. However, once students write the information on the test paper, they often place it out of their minds, and therefore lose the long-term attachment they need for final exams – and for life.
The children who do well on chapter tests but "freeze" on final exams might not have memory problems at all. These children do not fail exams because of a lack of ability to recall, but because of the quantity required for recall. In preparing for final exams, they must abandon their short-term recall techniques and learn the information all over again because the first time lacked any context or meaning.
What To Do: A parent’s job is not to teach schoolwork but to monitor. Monitoring means that you check to make sure your child is carrying out her responsibility as she should.
When your daughter says she has exams "under control," she believes that is an honest answer. But she loses control because she does not know how to learn differently than she did for the individual tests. No one has taught her techniques to help her take ownership of knowledge – that is, to take the dry facts from school and make them meaningful for her life. She simply falls back on short-term recall, waiting until the week before finals to begin to memorize instead of starting sooner so she can learn.
Do not expect your child, on her own, to change study habits before finals. Outline a
new process with her to help with long-term recall. As you monitor, insist on seeing her efforts.
Get your child a calendar for May and have her prepare a Ready-For-Exams Program. Insist on having the plan completed before taking action. Have your child decide and record the following:
The dates and times for each exam.
A date to ask each teacher what material will be covered and what format will be used for the exam. (Your child must show you a written list and should keep the information for reference.)
A date to show you all notes, old tests, quizzes and other materials needed to study for each exam. (You might want your child to set up file folders for each subject to keep the material handy for review.)
A date to have a mock exam ready for each subject. (This puts your child truly in control of the exams by personalizing use of the knowledge she must learn.)
A date to show the mock exams to each teacher and ask them to make sure the questions are on target. Have each teacher initial these mock exams.
A date to take each mock exam and correct it from notes.
Time to learn what she missed on the mock exams. She should plan to complete learning two days before each exam. She can only review material the night before each exam.
A date to celebrate the end of exams and to do – not buy – something special with the family.
Each time we ask our children, "are you ready for exams?" we assume they know how to analyze the task ahead. It is in this assumption that many children find failure for lack of being taught the life skill of planning.
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Academic achievers' problemstoo often overlooked
February 15, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My son is
9 years old and in fourth grade. He has attended
private school since kindergarten and has done
well academically, but recently has begun to
demonstrate what his pediatrician calls
"stress-related symptoms." These include having
trouble breathing and stomach aches during
school.
I do not know how to handle this. Naturally, I want him to do well in school, but I do not want him to become so stressed out about it that he has physical symptoms! |
The Assessment: When we hear about "problems in school," we invariably think about the low-achieving student. When it comes to academic achievers, too often their problems are overlooked by those who assume that a student who does well in school "has it all together."
Just as low-achieving students might find themselves coping with the demands by giving up and taking an "I don’t care" attitude, high-achieving students might find themselves trapped in defense mode against what can hurt them: the fear of failure.
Children often cannot express this powerful feeling in words, so they send other signals. A child who "does well academically" but has been diagnosed by a physician with physical signs of stress is already saying a lot. Consider the possible messages:
I accept the importance of doing well in school, and I fulfill my responsibilities. I am learning and achieving – my grades prove it.
Even though I am doing well, someone might think there is something wrong with me. What if I am not smart? What if I cannot keep up and others find out?
I know more is coming, and I need to continue to do well in class. When the teacher gets upset in class, that includes me. What if I can’t do the work and start making bad grades?
What To Do: Speak with your child and let him know that his physical wellness comes before anything he is learning in school. Let him know that you will help him in decreasing his stress.
Ask your son to keep a diary of when he begins to feel sick at school. Have him write what has happened, what he is thinking or what he fears could happen. Next, work with your child’s teacher, physician or even a counselor to analyze the diary. Do symptoms occur during a certain subject or task? Is there a specific time of day during which symptoms are worse? Just be sure that the meetings with these professionals do not increase your son’s stress by embarrassing him.
Be open to any answers. For example, your son might be stressed out about going to the library because he does not like to be silent. He might be afraid of not being able to finish board work, or that the teacher might get upset with the class.
Once you identify potential causes, help your child develop defense strategies. For example, if your son is afraid of going to the library, get a timer and practice at home. Help him understand that what seems like an eternity at school is actually half as long as his favorite TV show and that he can cope with the expectation.
Physical illness is a sign of stress turned into distress. As parents, we need to listen to those messages and deliver an appropriate response.
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Finding an alternative solution is often the answer
January 11, 2007 12:00 PM
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My daughter is in preschool, or what many call 4-year-old kindergarten. I was called for a conference with her teacher. You can imagine my surprise and dismay when I was told that my daughter wasn’t keeping up with the other children. The main problem is that she is not drawing circles and squares yet. Her teacher suggested I consider having her tested for attention deficit disorder. She thinks that if she has it, it will be important to find this out early. Do you agree? |
The Assessment: Today’s hurried society tells us to do more and do it sooner, which for many has been translated into finding potential disabilities as early as possible. Although early intervention might be a worthy goal in some cases, it is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and we must be careful to give our children the time to grow and develop within normal ranges.
Development is not an event. It is a long-term process that we cannot hurry and we cannot measure with a yardstick. Developmental checklists might give the opposite impression. Yes, there is a specific time by which all children should – but not necessarily must – know how to do the same thing. Different children will get there at different times.
When my son was in preschool, his teachers had long lists with developmental expectations, including one that I particularly dreaded for my son: "Can tie his shoes." I knew that I still had to tie his shoes for him, and at first was apprehensive in anticipation of his "failure" in this category. Then one day I looked at his tiny hands and wondered if this was a battle that I wanted to fight. I believed the day would come when his little hands had grown as much as his desire to tie his shoes.
As I read all the "expert" opinions and weighed them against my son’s developmental readiness, I came up with what I call "The Velcro-Kid Theory:" When children are not ready to learn something because they need more developmental time and are still within normal ranges, find another solution. Mine was to buy my son tennis shoes with Velcro flaps until one day he came to me and said, "Mama, I want to learn to tie shoes."
Different children will reach developmental milestones at different times. As parents, we must watch to see when help might be needed, but we must give our children the time to develop on their own.
What To Do: If your child has developed in other areas and is lacking in one particular skill, ask your self whether you believe additional development time is needed. If so, you might have a Velcro kid – one who needs a different solution while you give her the time to grow.
In this case, buy a stencil that has a circle and a square. When other children are drawing their shapes freehand, your child will use her stencil. She can then learn exactly what she is expected to do, but can rely on the stencil. In time, her little hands will likely begin to draw her own circles and squares.
In preschool, a few months’ difference in birthdates can mean a wide difference in developmental readiness. But the need for extra developmental time does not stop there. In higher grades, children might still need alternate solutions, such as using a calculator until their math facts are automatic, or using a pencil instead of a pen until their fine motor skills have developed.
Some have suggested that these alternate strategies are not fair to the other children. I agree: they should not be implemented for children who do not need this kind of solution. But chances are, at some point the "other children" will need alternate strategies of their own.
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