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Nov 2007
Teach your child to follow through on tasks
November 27, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: Diagnoses
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Dear Dr. Fournier: Last week, my son’s school held parent/teacher conferences, and that’s when I received an unpleasant surprise – my son is making less than stellar grades. When I asked the teacher what was wrong, she told me that my son had several zeros for not turning in his homework. He does his homework every night, and even asks for my help when he doesn’t understand a concept. I know he completes his work, but for some reason he is not turning all of it in. How do I solve this problem? It was suggested I might want to have him tested for ADHD? |
The Assessment: Modern educators often look for a medical explanation like ADHD, but I wouldn’t be so quick to consider testing. Your son probably does not have a problem – a problem is something so big that one person can’t solve it. That’s why I never vote for politicians who say they will solve problems like crime. What a joke! I would love to have their magic wand.
A problem is a composite of smaller situations called issues. An issue is something that is small and doable, and your son has successfully found solutions for many issues: he knows what his homework is, brings home the right materials, asks questions when he does not understand, and realizes you are present to help him.
This indicates that your son pays attention at school, works diligently and excels at time management. In this context, we see that your son does many things well. You should celebrate all that your son has accomplished!
The issue you are encountering is not that unusual. Many children conscientiously do their homework, but once those assignments are completed, they mentally check off the task – not realizing their work must be taken to fruition. This same situation often occurs in the “adult” world. Have you ever gone to the dry cleaners, only to realize that you left your laundry at home? Or have you cooked a dinner, only to remember at the end of the meal that the rolls were left in the oven?
What To Do: Teach your child the strategy of “Close the Circle™.” This method explains that homework begins and ends with the teacher. If the finished assignment doesn’t make it back to the teacher, then the teacher won’t know it was completed and will act as if nothing were done.
Have your son place completed assignments into a designated homework folder, and each night, have him place the folder in his backpack. Before he leaves for school in the morning, ask to see and check inside his homework folder. Inside this folder, keep a homework sheet with a grid for each subject. Have your son check off the subject when he places the homework in the folder, and a full circle when the entire job has been done. Include a space for him to record his grades when he gets his homework back. Check the folder every night to make sure homework was handed in. Then celebrate. You will be teaching him a lesson many adults and executives still do not have down pat.
In the workplace, there are two types of employees. When you ask the first employee if a task is complete, the answer is: “Well I told Suzanne to do it.” Even if the end results are excellent, the workflow was impeded because of the employee’s lack of knowledge of the end result of a task HE was given. The second type of employee always knows a project’s status and can give a full report at any time. This employee fully understands that he his work only worthwhile if he has “Closed the Circle™.” Whom do you think will be promoted? By teaching your child to “Close the Circle™,” you are instilling habits that will not only ensure success at school, but also provide your child with the foundation to realize his goals and dreams later in life as he is first in line for each promotion. If he has his own business he will know whom he will give a raise to and whom he will fire. You have been given an incredible opportunity to solve an issue – don’t turn it into a problem or pathology. Your child is not sick. He is still learning how to be a responsible adult. Congratulations on all the good things he has learned so far.
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Remember to focus on life's 'golf balls'
November 20, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I thought
some of your readers would benefit from the
following story sent to me by a reader called
“The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee.”
A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items on the table. When the class began, he silently picked up an empty mayonnaise jar and filled it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar, filling the open areas between the golf balls. The students again agreed it was full. The professor next poured a box of sand into the jar’s remaining space. He asked once more if the jar was full, and the students responded with a unanimous "yes." He then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured their entire contents into the jar. "This jar represents your life,” the professor said. “The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else – the small stuff.” “If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls,” he continued. “The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.” One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. "I'm glad you asked,” the professor said. “It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend." |
The Assessment: I was once asked to speak at a Wednesday night church service, and that night I explained how parents could find something I call the “Seventh Sense®.” This is the innate knowledge that God writes on our hearts, telling us how to live our lives regardless of society’s standards. I told the group how my Seventh Sense® led me to unique ideas as I for raised my son. I was following the instructions God did send with him. When he was young, I made time for us to play together every night, and neither homework nor a specified bedtime could get in the way. This was due a non-negotiable belief in our home, along with the emphasis on developing a family spiritual community.
As the church members followed the steps I directed them through they began to discover their own, unique, individual Seventh Sense®, it was amazing to watch the parents suddenly realize how their previous rules were not about the “golf balls.” They had been focusing on the pebbles! Leaving that night, I met the Assistant Reverend of the church. She apologized for missing the talk but explained she had been at home, making sure that her daughter finished her homework. “I stayed home so she will understand that school is her first priority,” she said. Unfortunately, spending time with her family and her spiritual community was the golf ball – yet a pebble came first.
What To Do: Soon, everyone in this country will celebrate Thanksgiving according to their family’s traditions. In many homes, this includes a prayer of thanks for the blessings received during the past year. But this Thanksgiving my prayer will include something else. I will pray that more parents will help their children realize life’s priorities by taking time to realize the important things themselves. Children watch and listen to their parents more than we imagine – they learn from our example. Thanksgiving is a time to remember what is important in life, not only during the third week of November, but for each and every day of our lives.
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Proper age for a child to enter kindergarten?
November 13, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: Pre-School
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Dear Dr. Fournier: My daughter just started kindergarten this year. She has a late August birthday, but seemed ready to begin school. I am concerned that because she is the youngest student in the class, she will have difficulties with her academic work. Her teacher says she is doing fine and that I shouldn’t worry. How can I tell if my child needs more time to mature? |
The Assessment: For many years, parents had the choice of enrolling their children with late summer or fall birthdays in kindergarten when they were five years old or waiting an additional year. The current trend in education is to require children to be enrolled in kindergarten if they turn five years old prior to the first day of October (or another specified date).
Whether parents have the choice or follow a school mandate, they often aren’t sure if their student is prepared for school life. Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Some students are ready at a younger age, while some benefit from the additional year of growth.
When assessing your child’s level of maturity, it is important to consider mental, physical and social development. A child’s cognitive development could be advanced, but that doesn’t mean social and emotional skills have reached the necessary levels. I recently worked with a student struggling with a similar situation. Though the child had a late summer birth date, he wanted to begin school, and his parents acquiesced.
Through elementary and middle school, he did exceptionally well. He made straight A’s and excelled in football, basketball and baseball. Despite this success, his social skills were underdeveloped, his relationships were problematic, and he developed self-esteem issues. After counseling with the parents and the child, a joint decision was made to home-school the child for a year following the eighth grade. During this time, the student was encouraged to explore his own ideas and opinions within the assignments and home-school curriculum. The child blossomed, and the next year, he began high school as a freshman. The student continued to excel in both academics and athletics, but he became self-confident as well, serving on the student counsel and embracing a circle of friends.
What To Do: Your child may or may not experience difficulties fitting into a world full of older children, but you should approach the situation from two distinct perspectives. First, don’t focus solely on your child’s academic performance. Consider your child’s entire well-being – her emotional, social and physical growth is just as important as academic ability.
Second, look to the future, especially to times of growth during pre-teen years and in high school. Imagine her throughout her entire academic tenure. What will happen when other children are held back and the age gap widens? What will you do when your 14-year-old freshman wants the privileges of a 16-year-old classmate who just received a car?
It is essential to stay close to your child, especially during those periods of great change. Openly discuss with your daughter that she is young for her grade, and that at some point, she may need an extra year to grow. If you ever have to make this decision, don’t feel that you have waited too late. Some students can benefit from an extra year of growth later in school – even after high school – to help them succeed in the future. If you consider giving your child more time to grow, openly communicate with your daughter so she knows this is an age issue and not a reflection of her abilities. When approaching this decision, an honest approach with your child and yourself will allow both of you to be confident in your ultimate choice.
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Things change, but children still need HW skills
November 06, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: Diagnoses
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Dear Dr. Fournier: I recently
read your article "New school can make all the
difference" in
the Desert Morning News of Salt
Lake City, Utah. I found it very interesting
because my wife and I relate with many of the
experiences you discussed.
We are retired and in our early seventies, and about 4 years ago we adopted five of our grandchildren, whom we have raised since they were infants. Their ages range from 11 to 16, and two of them have ADHD and Asperger’s. With all of the obstacles to overcome, the most difficult challenge has been the generational gap – the world for a teenager today is much different from when we were children. Of particular interest (and sometimes frustration) is the present-day education system. I often think, “That's not what I studied when I was that age." Of course, much is the same, but students are expected to learn more and have greater responsibilities earlier in life. A teacher told us that third graders should be able to manage their schoolwork on their own. How are 9-year-olds supposed to manage their homework without help? In your article, you said students should develop a “homework schedule.” Do you have any material that would help develop a system for homework management? That would be helpful to us and our children. |
The Assessment: As you noted, school is very different today. Our children are facing a new world in a rapidly changing global environment. They must learn the core material taught in the past, but they also must utilize technology, interpret information, create new ideas, and collaborate on group projects.
In today’s changing school environment that integrates group projects and computer presentations, students often aren’t taught how to effectively manage their time and assignments. This is further complicated by the fact that parents and grandparents have not experienced these new demands themselves.
The world now wants thinker-creators and facilitators, not mere “doers.” Teaching your children organizational skills – especially how to multi-task, prioritize and plan ahead – is the most important thing you can instill in them for future success. These skills are not innate; they must be taught, practiced and developed. Corporations spend millions of dollars each year sending their executives to classes to learn these tasks, and students who develop these skills at an early age will succeed in school and later in life.
What To Do: For the last 25 years, I’ve helped students manage their lives using a daily planning tool I developed called The Strategizer®. More than a traditional calendar and assignment book, The Strategizer® is an integrated approach to assignment management. As a well deserved gift, I will send you The Strategizer® for each of your children.
Use The Strategizer® to help your children organize assignments and determine the best time to do each task given the level of concentration needed. The more creative and thought-provoking the task, the fresher the child should be when the task is performed.
Planning ahead is essential. Do not simply create a schedule for the assignments due the next day; make sure that your child considers projects due in the future. Teach your child to anticipate when tests will be given, and then prepare for those tests in advance. By using The Stratagizer®, students eliminate cramming and ensure that assignments are completed on time. Without proper planning, students often have to choose between preparing properly for a test and completing other assignments.
When used daily, these self-management strategies help organize students’ lives, building effective disciplines and habits for a lifetime. When students have plenty of time to finish assignments, they can focus on creativity and critical thinking. Those are the skills that the next generation will need for success and leadership in tomorrow’s world.
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