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Balancing character between school and home

December 25, 2007 12:00 PM Filed in: All Levels

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 Dear Dr. Fournier: I hear a lot about character education in schools, and I am sometimes offended because I believe character education is my job. Then there are moments when I see my own child shy away from situations that he should stand up to, or I see him refuse to do something because he thinks the teacher won’t like it. What should I do? I want my son to stand up for what he believes in. How do schools define character education, and how can I teach character to my son?


The Assessment: When we meet people, regardless of how open-minded we want to be, our human reaction is to judge them. Although we cannot confirm someone’s character with just one encounter, our perception of someone’s character begins at that first meeting. Our first impression – right or wrong – prevails until proven otherwise.

We view people according to their words and actions. This overt personality that the world sees ultimately becomes someone’s reputation. But reputation is simply what others think about you. Your character is who you truly are when no one else is around.

The Merriam-Webster On-Line Dictionary defines character as:


    When we talk about character education in schools, most people are referring to the third definition, the “moral excellence and firmness,” that we want our children to have. We want them to develop an internal infrastructure to make decisions concurrent to their moral beliefs – an infrastructure so strong that there is no negotiation with their moral convictions. Character is the unwavering drive to choose what is right, even when that choice could cause you difficulties.

    What To Do: I am not sure how schools should teach this. There are many curriculums available to schools and churches to teach “character.” But character education often begins in the home – sometimes through a concerted effort to teach it, but often by the example parents set through their daily lives. We may not have time to sit with our children and give them a lesson each day on courage, truthfulness, bigotry, tenacity or dependability. However, by teaching the right lessons and following those lessons ourselves, our children develop character for success in life.

    With my own son, I began by emphasizing conviction, because a moral value or virtue held without conviction is useless and hypocritical. I have a life rule that I try to live by, and I have taught it to my son as well as my students: “You can do what is simple, what is quick, what is convenient, or what is right.” Whenever faced with a situation that calls your conviction into question, there is only one answer: Do what is right!

    It doesn’t matter if it hurts, if you don’t get your way, or if you lose a friend – you must follow your conviction. Character has nothing to do with what others may think; it has to do with what you believe. Others may ridicule you, insult you, or even attempt to harm you because of your convictions. But living firmly grounded in your convictions, while honoring the dignity of others, is the beginning of a strong character. Our lives are distilled by the sum of our choices, and conviction/character means making the right choices even at the most difficult times.

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